November 8, 2012 - Ohio is as Ohio does:

November 8, 2012 - Ohio is as Ohio does: 

For whatever its worth I felt the innate feeling & need to post this:

>> http://www.creators.com/liberal/connie-schultz/a-lesson-from-ohio.html <<

Just some things to think about as long as we are clear headed and open minded about where we are headed. Like the woman described in Connie Schultz's opinion article my own late father was also a 'factory rat' if it can be called that these days. 

He was a quality control and a materials handling engineer at one of the big three within the Detroit area and I for one was a proud daughter of mine father who had worked so hard to ensure that his wife and kids were provided for and that both the needs and wants of a household were dealt with. My father was by no means a muscled chisel man, nor was he some wealthy millionaire unlike some of mine uncles who were loaded with so much wealth in Cuba it could make some person's own head spin.

But he was a man of simple and humble means arriving from communist Cuba to provide my late mother and kids the freedom afforded no where else but here within the United States. I too had marveled at how my father worked hard but smart too at that plant. I marveled at how he functioned and moved around that plant with so much proficiency and it was because of pride either. It was because of earning that check that carried with is so many benefits at the time. 

Please take the time to read this article as you would another when possible with an open mindset. For nothing is ever accomplished, if seldom, with a closed mindset.

~Jennifer Mendez

The Day After - November 07, 2012

SOME THOUGHTS: THE DAY AFTER / NOVEMBER 07, 2012

My heavens....oh MY goodness gracious angels alive....

Isn't it so utterly ridiculous when various people base their friendships and relations on politics and religion? It's so sad when friends decide they can't be friends because their slant is different than the other persons or their style of worship is different? What gives? What be up with that as some of my friends have stated. I am one that am not going to hold onto some friends because they are upset or just plain are angry because my ways are not theirs.

Many years ago I had lost some friends because I had become a Mormon back than and the friends I had than just could not deal with that carton of milk so they just balked. I get it, I understand it. But, was I to appease them? Was I to make them comfortable because they could not deal with my so-called wanting to be "Extraordinary" instead of just having to be "Ordinary"?

But look, I am not on this green and blue marble called earth for some beauty contest nor am I here for some Miss. Congeniality Pageant either.

I am here to be 'BOLD' and make a different in the world albeit locally, regionally, nationally or globally and just to stand out even if it means going beyond comfort zones and jump out of some boxes to express 'BOLDNESS' even if it means to be 'PREMIUM' than so be it because my sails will adjust.

Look, I am not going to change all my colors for you so eloquently expressed by Whitney Houston to Kevin Costner's character role in The Bodyguard and neither would I expect anyone to change their colors for me. However, what I do expect however is an essence of civility and with harmony in getting along and understanding that we are all different,  but it does not mean you have to go your way and I go mine. 

So, am I do feel that everyone has to accept my varying opinions and views? HELL NO! With that in mind I do not need to accept their opinions and views that much neither, but I do wish to understand where they are coming from so I can understand him or her that much better. I would want for them to understand whey I am coming with an open mind and an open heart so that the main emphasis in not based on whose political slant is right or wrong but that the main course is the furthering and fostering in developing worthwhile friendships along the path ways of life even onto potential business associates and colleagues and the fostering and emergence of like-minded individualities. So, can we all just get along? :-)

~ Jennifer Mendez

November 06, 2012 - This evening brings back memories because I.....

This picture was actually taken in 2008
 at an Obama/Biden Campaign
 election night victory party. 

I had just remembered a short while ago how just four years ago this evening I went with a couple of friends to the after parties and victory dances to celebrate history in the making. The very same man that my late father had said back in 2004 would become elected in 2008 was elected the nations first Non-Anglo African-American president.

But, this evening of November 06, 2012 I shall be staying put and off the streets to soak in whatever outcomes occurs this evening as they read the tallies pouring in. I will savor in tonight's moment just so two years from now I will become more involved in the political process and than again in four years even more participative so when there will not be a thing anyone can do and say to discourage or detour me.

Tonight is America's voice, tonight is her peoples breath from coast to coast voting their conscious in the selection process of a presidential candidate albeit a re-election of the current President or election of the 45th President of this United States of America. Tonight as it ought to be is: AMERICA and her finest moment!

~Jennifer Elisabeth Mendez

NOT YOUR EVERYDAY DISHES IN THE SINK........

November 05, 2012 -

I am not here to do my laundry nor wash or wash the dishes in my sink with anyone, and I really do not have to post this...for it’s of a more personal nature and perhaps I should have just email my friends when I am able to do so and within its timing would just be the right thing to do after all. But to those very close to me both near and afar while never-minding "the rest of you" whom are just as connected to me whom I know nothing personally nor hardly anything at all whatsoever, just bare this in mind:

A lot has been personally occurring within my own life lately from downturns to some bitter health hiccups sort to speak of even on down to some issues business-wise, however I will be alright and I understand all too well that “when one door closes, another door opens,” isn't that right?

I have to remember the teachings of the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey as he taught "First Things First."

Allow me to brief you up to date:

Last year at about this time my late spouse had taken a turn for the worse and ended up in the hospital where she had taken her very last breaths of her life's sojourn (it's what I consider her turn on earth and cancer had taken her). It had been a time where it wrenched me so much to the very core in which those events along with another one to follow had plummeted me right into a deep and darken depression with levels of despair and loneliness that no matter whom was present or even near me would not be to avail much in helping me at the time.

When she passed away...a huge chunk of my heart was laid to rest with her right along besides her. It had taken me nearly almost a year to get out of that cellar and crawl back from a deep well to where I am standing of off my knees onto my feet thanks to some well meaning and deserving friends (and they know whom they are) along with that of my godmother along with loving cousins I have been able to dig right out of this hole where I now feel better and life is renewed, and gradually becoming more rewarding to me.

It is something about the big picture that I know so deeply in the depth of my soul and belly which deals not only with this life nor its existence, but, whether that of another.

So, in order to "push my shoulder to the wheel" and move onward with the very business of my everyday life I had to just let my precious 'MJ' go to her rest beyond what I consider along with so many like onto myself of a similar leaning persuasion of faith as that very thin veil; (ever seen the television show entitled: The Ghost Whisperer; staring actress Jennifer Love-Hewitt? Yeah, something like that in some ways) known as the other side.

However, I had not for one reason or another wanted to let her go and did not even want to release her. I wanted to hold that power to hold her soul and spirit here near me and, I wanted to play that power. I was being so selfish and my understanding of what I have known so deeply even prior to her passing had become so clouded.

I knew eventually I had to do just that for which I have done prior to MJ’s passing for both that of my late mother and father in their respective transitions from their sojourns in this life, and believe me, there is not a day that would not go by where I just did not hurt so painfully that it wrenched me so deeply that it burned as if a flaming sword had pierced my heart and soul.

MJ had indeed been my best friend and my very soul mate on this earth and for the most part still is even in death. While in our relationship some others just could not leave well-enough alone in which they just went ahead to interfere (the monster-in-law and her tribe) and would always get their very wet noses right into our personal affairs of life and relationship when they needed not to be there in the very first place. 

Why they just could not mind their own affairs which would have been the proper thing to do. After all they just never understood what "the whole picture" is as both MJ and I have understood. Not even members of our church quite got that picture; but that is not my concerned regarding them.

What I understand now and do grasp is that I just have to change my ways in many areas of my life and walk with my Creator now, and for that I am very grateful. I have come to an understanding that even a social media portal such as Facebook itself is not the end of all things and it’s not the main arena of interest in my life.

I have friends, family, other loved ones and a company that needs my sincere dire attention with laser zoned in focus. However this shall be the last of what I state publicly in various forums such as these, for I feel that my life and sojourn in many ways is a private affair and it shall go of radar when time sees fit from portals such as Facebook and any other such portals; and it shall be conducted under a time fitting that of my own pleasure and choosing. 

I just have a need to feel safe.

Thank you for your time along with your sincere reading and understanding.

~Jennifer

Sunday Dress is as Sunday Does!

Sunday Dress is as Sunday Does!

How much ‘past’ does your ‘future’ carry?
 
October 28, 2012 -

Sunday started out really sweet feeling deep within that today would be such a kind and gentle day.


I wanted it to be such a good day and so it was, but it was with none of my doing of course.
 

The fact that I had allowed it to be and yet accepted it with much reservation at first allowing to roll whatever happens to have happen at my old 'church ward' (a ward is a congregation with another meaning used as a Meeting House for Mormons/LDS members) in Roseville, however it would have been nice to have known a while back that my former stake president from my old stake of residence had been released from his tenure of service after some nine plus years; and I for one could not be more content and please over that release.

I had no idea, for I have been out of the loop on many issues and things pertaining to the Mormon church due to being excommunicated. It's along story but it does not portray me as some abomination nor church criminal.

I had started the day as usual with some musings from scrolling through Facebook and checking my email. I had not read my scriptures this day but had picked up on some pertinent thoughts at church which did stir up not only memories; but reasoning behind my values.

While sitting in the Gospel Doctrine School Class (a class for Mormon/LDS adults) it allowed me to pick up the following thoughts which caused me to ponder with much reflection during the remaining of the day:

“To be healed of the Savior we come and ask in humbleness as a child in gratitude to ask of the Savior for a blessing to be healed”

and while I was listening intently and reflecting on some areas of my life another area of thought came waving into my mind as a flash of soothing lightening in a rain storm as I wrote down in note format that;

“When our joy is full we become full in Christ, not just by filling up with bread sort of speak, but by leaning unto His word, His love which never leaves one empty whom truly loves and believes, so thirstily."

 

What also had occurred throughout the day today was that I have seen glimpses of my late spouse in the chapel and than afterwards in the Relief Society room; even though I have felt something of a mild touch of her hand onto my left shoulder as she had done prior so many times while in this life.

I had kept on thinking about time and its spanning into such a flicker of essence. Certainly I feel that God’s own time keeping management program with that of His own calendar are not anywhere near to those of any human calendar endeavor format; that alone mine.

Ever notice how the past does not equal that of any future?

I can’t continue to hold onto some racket regarding my life and its past by somehow bringing the past right into the future and than having the future become its past. My life and its journey is not some Michael J. Fox movie.

 

In scripture the very sages within the contents of the Bible have stated which “Eyes have not seen and ears have not yet heard” and yet points out to one very fact: “The future that comes with you is what you create and envision it to become.”

I am reminded when a former Mormon Church Bishop of mine from early 1980’s looked me right straight in the eye with compassion and with the clarity of a stern but loving tone in his voice had said, ”Don’t you know that you can write your own story? Don't you see that you can start here and now to write the very essence of your life’s story, for its no one else’s story, but yours, and do you have any idea how you can penetrate other people’s hearts with your story?” expressed the Bishop onto me.

 

I realize now as I have realized even then and I wasn't even ready that I myself have that very power to create my own story even more so with such a great future ahead with such a great and marvelous story yet to be unveiled as uniquely as mine and as I hold onto and embrace my destiny.


I have also realized lately that my past is the past and what I had gained from it are my learning experiences and its lessons from mistakes. It’s even more certain that I will fall many more times and scrape my knees and the palms of my hands than I could possibly phantom and even would need to get back on my feet to dust them off and than head towards that mark. I just have to keep my eyes laser focused sharp on the target and on what’s ahead for me as I continue to ‘sharpen the saw’ as taught by the late Dr. Stephen R. Covey; himself. 

- Jennifer Elisabeth

Singer Andy Williams dies at 84 after battle with cancer

Singer Andy Williams dies at 84 after battle with cancer

I can still remember as a child listening to that majestic voice of Sir Andy Williams. What a golden tone, what savory. I also can remember singing to many of his tunes growing up and as my parents and I watched his show featuring so many of the world's music elite of that era and generation and of whom would down the road became instrumental giants in today's entertainment circles. He instilled in so many an embodiment of innocence for so many with his wonderful and clear voice and talented music. I personally at this time send forth my sincere condolences and sympathies to the Williams clan that they may be blessed with an aura of peace, comfort, solace and calmness during these days of mourning and grieve. ~Jennifer Elisabeth Trinidad

Dark Nights of the Soul: A Guide to Finding Your Way Through Life's Ordeals by Thomas  Moore

My rating: 4 of 5 stars


In many areas a very provocative and penetrating writ in its thought process. I am delighted so far with some of the the contents of this book with which the author expresses his thoughts based on years worth of experience as a therapist and prior to that as a monk. It was not the sort of book I had would have expected at first, but it allowed me the opportunity to do some deep penetrating and reflective thought process with regards to my own well-being and my own "Dark Nights of The Soul." ~Jennifer Elisabeth Trinidad (JET)



View all my reviews

Saturday, Jul 28, 2012 - "And when the dawn had come and her night had passed me by I am reminded of someone’s question as to why I went ahead when I just could not look back into life's rear-view mirror"! ~JET from: "Why Me, Why Now?" an excerpt from “a life's bumpy road” by Jennifer Elisabeth Trinidad. (c) 2011 JENN Media Group

                                          Heal Ourselves, Heal the World. Author / Graphic Artist unknown.

Jul 31, 2012 - While I was somewhat engrossed in last evenings Olympics Games from London, England I had viewed an airing of an commercial featuring Gold Medalist swimmer Ryan Lochte which prompted me to think that nothing is always as as it seems, but yet the rewards could be outstanding if even I would make that swim out to London per'se. How many of us are willing to take that swim and embrace the arduous tasks individually ahead of each one us? ~Jennifer Elisabeth Trinidad

PHOTO: Volcano Sunset- Guatemala,  Courtesy of www.wallpaperweb.org

 

Would hateful crimes ever come to an end? Do we have to go there? Really!?

JET STREAMS:

Hate does not have to be an option or does it?

Please CONSIDER and think about this link below: 

Would hateful crimes ever cease to exist? Do we have to go there? Really?!

As I stand though not in amazement but in a sense of bewilderment with an ounce of disgust and disappointment over a society which allows hate to continue no matter what the disguise behind the act. Hate is hate......such as sin is sin and panic is panic. I myself have lost a couple of dear friends to the acts of violence and hate. One was a heterosexual man whom was stabbed for his wallet and the other was transgender herself. As an ally of the community I am baffled at the onslaught of what some people might call appropriate but conducts unbecoming acts of behavior protected through loop holes under the mask of different criminal labels. 

So, a guy dresses like a woman and vice verse while some women even cross-dress also and for various reasons and then one crazy nut out of nowhere goes ahead and just because it rubs him or her with regards to their masculinity or femininity the wrong way they plainly go ahead, snap and just kill albeit in the name of God or some so-called panic mode or even plain outrage and hatefulness because of disgust. However, having it masked with inbreeding ignorance and hatefulness. It makes no sense for it is to me however, but plain criminal. 

Such acts of hate ought and should be reported by witnesses of such acts. Why can't some people take into consideration that for whatever reason being that any of them themselves would have a person laying on that floor or cold ground somewhere in whom might be their own respective child no matter the age and yet many would keep their mouths shut allowing many violent acts of hate to go unreported and unresolved because many people venture to think  that "it just won't happen to my child" or "it just won't happen to me" mindset" and or "I have to stay out of it because its not my concern."

Ignorance while not understanding as to why does indeed breed hate, bigotry, prejudice and discrimination because many of us no matter whom we are, what status quo and class of people we are and yet without warning rears its ugly head of violence if not careful to just calm down, think and if need be...just walk away before committing such an hateful crime of violence and hate. So would you not please CONSIDER? Thank you :-)

Would hateful crimes ever cease to exist? Do we have to go there? Really?!

Gone But Not Forgotten 2011 | Billboard.com

And now... some of the most recognizable figures gone-but-not-forgotten-music-stars in entertainment and business superstars-we-lost-lost along the way in 2011. ~JET

Gone But Not Forgotten 2011 | Billboard.com

Gone But Not Forgotten 2011 | Billboard.com

The best-pictures-of-2011. Photographers come and go, but it takes a very talented and gifted photographer to bring out the details in best & worst dressed in telling the story in pictures. Do you have what it takes? ~JET

Gone But Not Forgotten 2011 | Billboard.com

Getting beyond the Pain of 2011

December 29, 2011:

Had awaken this morning to a sense of winter wonderment without the heavy snow that perhaps by this time now we should have had in this area of Rochester- Detroit which all in all had covered me with warmth as I laid under the covers. Yes the very warmth of three comforters.

This morning however just like last night could still feel the snap of coldness upon arising from my bed as I begin to look back at 2011 and the events of my life and its circumstances in which I can honestly say that I am very glad 2011 is going away. There have been so much pain within me, but all in all I have had a sense of growth and development.

Just nearly three weeks ago I could have “checked out” and I did not do so thanks to some pretty worthwhile friends and members of my church that came rallying with love and prayers. I had spent the better part of these last four weeks surrounded by both friends and love.

Been pondering and reflecting over my life in which areas of my life I have earnestly paid attention to and which areas have I aborted that held me down. I am realizing that year “2012” will have to be such a year that shall be so relentless in grabbing it by the horns and create success and development is such a way that it will allow me to reach some worthwhile goals and objectives for the year.

I have been reflecting back at the last twenty years all the way back to that first date with Mary Jeanne in January 1990 and the impact she had in my life than. No matter what I had tried these last four weeks has been something where flashbacks of my relationship and marriage to Mary Jeanne had continued to pop into my mind warranted or not. I have thought about the infamy of a divorce that really did not have to occur. In the means of how the marriage came to an abrupt ending and how it brought the breaks on in the heavy sighs of a divorce settlement was draining emotionally enough for both her and I.

The death of a marriage as I came to understand is not always a fresh beginning unless it was a very abusive and unsatisfying marriage. Mine and Mary Jeanne’s were far from abusive and unsatisfying. For the marriage had in itself growth periods with its ups and downs.  A marriage ought to have intimacy; it ought to be a relationship of love and honor but most importantly like any arrangement there is a need to treat a marriage like a business of sorts such as life itself pending the interpretation of any person who continues to run its course in a business mindset with everyday details and its accomplishments.

Neither MJ nor I regretted at the time as we looked back during that year of 2008 and sailed onto the counsel chambers of a judge in Oakland County. As much as it did hurt the both of us to look back at those twenty years as “stages of learning, growth and development” had empowered us in a way to grow-up and of course as painfully as it had to be done; we did grow up. She changed a lot and so did I. It was not to a pint where we did not recognize one another but in an essence where she began to look trimmer, healthier and beamed more happiness. She loved her new surroundings in Birmingham, Michigan and would not waste a minute to feel me in on it.

It was fine for her as it was for me but for me it was nerve-wrecking to be alone again after 18 years of marriage. I have always believed in a forever marriage but choices I have made kind of put a road block in that for this life’s sojourn between her and me. I need to respect her free agency, her wishes with regards to separating. But I still lay hold on the premise that her mother and family had a lot to do with our break-up.

However, contrary to the whims, pandering and pleadings of others we remained pretty close over the last three years of her life. We were tight and we always understood what we knew as “the big picture.”

It always bothered the naysayer especially various members whom are former friends and of my former church of membership who did not agree nor liked my life choices to save my own life. They would prefer to see me in the grave than for myself to be whom and what I am to save my life after five attempts of checking out. Somehow and in some way I knew I had to embrace and make peace with what I refer to both a blessing and a curse. These former associates of mine continue to be so ignorant in their respective skin that for the most part these various Mormons are literally full of themselves. I do not disdain nor dislike the Mormon faith for it has been part of my spiritual make-up for some thirty years, and still agree with many of its tenets and principles, but what does rip at me is their respective ignorance, double-standards and discrimination with regards to the embodiment of Christ-like love and compassion.

My plans for early year 2012 are to:

1.)    Move south of the M-59 marker where there is more traffic within the circles and doings of my life.

2.)    Work shall be a mainstay and dealt more with a ruthless aggression mindset. I want to ensure that work is a ruling principle in my life. I want to live and breathe success at every turn spiritually, financially and physically. The emotional, social and mental mindset and development shall continue to enhance and develop.

3.)    I want to ensure that my book is ready for publication comes fall of 2012.

4.)    To rid myself of the stinkin’ thinking that I have carried for sometime.  

5.)    In a healthy way drop my weight down 70 pounds by not risking or hampering my life.

6.)    Live life in such a way and manner that it is to be who I am and not to the image of others. To be able to afford material goods that is right in price, but will not break the bank. To be able to purchase a nice car when it warrants it not beforehand just for appearance sake.

7.)    To further learn and grow by attending workshops, training classes and seminars to sharpen the saw.

8.)    Concentrate on my business endeavors and focus on passive income streams.

9.)    Eliminate or dampen my ego issues by being more humble and finding my inner spiritual voice.

These are starters to begin with and I am certain there shall be room for realignment here and there.

There was so much that Mary Jeanne and I wanted to accomplish not just together but separately, too. I would like for her legacy and memory to live on and I have started measures to do such. Some of which will become more relevant as time moves on. I am healing and it’s getting better. The pain is subsiding but I know I have got to give it time. I need not to bottle it inside for it would hurt me.  

Life continues and life moves on. One must push their shoulder to the wheel sort of speak. And I am not any exception. I carry my own cross that the Lord of my life had placed upon me, but I know as I walk forward that I will need to seek Him more.

Thank you for reading and have a blessed and prosperous 2012 ahead!

Be well,

Jennifer Elisabeth (JET)

Why I couldn't sleep and paced the floor with tears this night!

I had felt the need to write some stuff and not take way too long cause there is no need for that right now if I am making sense.

I started two days ago with the medication prescribed to me called "vyvanse" and I feel that it has been settling into my system though I feel so exhausted and whipped out like no energy levels nor do I want anything to do right now.

I have been relaxing and reading through some material while holding back emotional tears cause I feel like I had slept and awaken back in 1977 when my favorite idol passed away at age 42 and how I had cried and sobbed like a high school girl over Elvis Presley's death.


Personally however, I know life moves forward and so continues the very essence of the business of life. But, being 50 years of age myself I am beginning to think how well prepared I would be when my number is called by the counsels of heaven sort to speak. The question is if I shall have all my ducks in a row? I guess, like some folks, I too, am scared of dying even though I never had such fear some ten years ago.

Was talking to someone earlier tonight and I am wondering what triggered the sort of conversation that I found myself in and not to so pleasant. However, after asking me what I felt about funerals I made it a point to express to him that I would want for both my boyfriend and companion Bill and of course my adopted sister and one of the best girlfriends a woman could have in Marylou to ensure that my favorite song "My Way" sung by the chairman of the board; Frank Sinatra is played along with my favorite church hymn "Lord, I Will Follow Thee" performed and sung along with a piano tune version I enjoy about Gitmo in Cuba.

But is it normal for someone to even talk about death? To discuss it even? Perhaps I have not dealt well in the past years concerning my parents own passing and realize how much I truly miss them this evening and how isolated and lonely I feel that caused me to break down and sob like such a baby tonight.

I constantly need to have the television or the music going on so I can hear chatter and voices; for I had thought I could handle being alone when my own boyfriend is not even hardly here, nor anyone else for that matter. But in reality I know I can not handle the loneliness and of course my dogs presence really doesn't provide that stimulation I need when there could be someone here at home with me. I lack in confidence and self-esteem right now....of that I am certain and where I may be charismatic in certain circles, however, I am so uncomfortable going anywhere by myself. Tonight for example I could have gone to Club 9 in Ferndale where there is a large gathering contingent of Latino Americans from within the LGBT community and its allies and yet I did not go cause I have no one to go with me.

Personally, I fight and have been struggling with not going to and of course attending church on Sunday mornings because I go there alone and it bothers me to the nines even though I bury it deep within the hidden chambers of bosom and soul and never bring it up because I had figured why even bother because no one would care, right? Yeah..go figure! 

I should not be lacking at self-confidence because even with the rhino nose job I still lack confidence and Bill, bless his sweet golden heart continues to assure me that I am beautiful, and should not have concerns. But, the issue and struggle I have is that I do struggle with the lack of confidence, self-esteem and acceptance.

Sometimes, I feel that I do not want to die because I still feel I have work yet to do in my life and lives of those whose hearts I could penetrate and impact for the good. But, there are times which I feel I may never have the blessings of finishish my work.

I have had many close and dear friends drop and die under many different circumstances with the only relatives close to me that had passed onto the other side of the curtain sort of speak have been both my mother and father. I still find it odd however and now witnessing through media the deaths of three people I grew up enjoying especially that of Michael Jackson whose age was 50 such as mine and having grown up with him never ever meeting the man, both listening to and enjoying his work. Like him on the dance floor I too wanted to dance and I accomplished in obtaining such talent and those that know my dancing abilities could attest that I had picked up the skill of free-style dancing without professional instructions the very moves of both Elvis and Michael.

I lately have spoken with both my therapist and with Bill about what sort of success I wish to be. But, feel that some aspects of my past would hinder me with obstacles and hurdles along the way. I wish to empower people with potential to be the best in whom and what they can become. My recent failures this past semester at college has me down because I know I am better then that those grades I received and I can be more of a successful student, for I know better than that.

I know that I have changed a lot not just only in appearance and and journeyed where many folks would not reinvent nor transition their respective lives could not possibly have phantom for themselves regarding my transformation along with those that can be their respective true selves. However, I see myself in the mirror and seems now that I know longer see that "man in the mirror" that I once had to be cause I had no choice in the matter, but have moved on and have grown in ways that I know I can never return because such as an old friend pointed out to me: "You have reached a point of no return"! Have I really? C'mon, did I really have to go there? 

So where do I go from here in my planning with prayer, hopes and wishes for a great and awesome life, a better sister, friend and woman of stature and substance? It is life from where I see it. I am not stuck or stagnant in some wave as some of my friends are in their respective journey in reinventing. I truly wish to help them and empower as I can, but a number of them are stuck in their issues with struggles within areas of their respective personal lives and I mean not to knock them down. I wish none ill, but may they reach wherever point they seem happiest and fulfilled.

When reinventing oneself and under such persuasion a person ought to grasp the fact that one is never done with that journey. However, to each and everyone of them who has their own reasoning and perspective as to what they feel is complete and that they have arrived where they sit on the peaks can rest from their own journeys.

Myself, I am at the dawn of a new chapter in life. I am at the very dawn of new beginnings. The next pages of a new chapter are beginning to be written and with the pages of my past though history as it spells out to me on how extreme and eccentric I myself can surely be. 


Life itself is never and has never been fair to anyone person. We either just have to take the bull by the horns and steer them where we may in order to reach the plateaus of life or just sit on the bench warming it up and somewhere wondering which chocolate did we actually pull out of life's box.

I am a proud woman in spite of the pain, toils, labors and struggles which I had endure and no doubt continue to endure to the end with none much further far to go feel now that I have placed behind my status of a journey of reinvention which does not make me any less than the next person and yet an ally that will fight for the right of what is true, fair and just.

On this late evening and early morning I wish you good a good night and good luck!

~ Jennifer Elisabeth
--
"The transition is the struggle, but the journey in itself remains the calming eye within the storms of life."

~ Jennifer Elisabeth Mendez

Quick Note: June 24, 2009

Interesting...Just Wonderfully Interestingly Accepting!


Someday I will get into wearing this swimsuit, but first I have to beat my boyfriend and his challenge to me of dropping 50 lbs in a most healthy means and as for him; he is under the condition too for his own health, but with a lovely twist for encouragement: For every 10 pounds dropped and dress sizes of course he purchases for me a new addition to my wardrobe including some sexy accessories! Not bad, not bad at all ::smirk::

However.........

In the days to come there will be some blogs from which I will unload and share with ya's in updating you as to "Where in the World is Jennifer Elisabeth"? But, brace yourselves, cause I am writing true feelings and thoughts! Love to all on this wonderful blessed day :-)

Jennifer Elisabeth,
24 June 2009

A Chillin' June 2009 of Ups and Downs!!

I was sitting in my math class the other evening waiting to tackle a test that deeply down underneath I wasn’t prepared for let alone understood the mechanics of such formulas. Ok, so I am a bad scientist and would not make Uncle Albert Einstein’s grade book, but all in all I literally suck at math. Ok, another thing with which I came out of the academic closet and never have been my favorite subject in academics, period, but at my adult age it is my responsibility and none else’s, but that does not negate the fact I can not blame two ridiculous goon for teachers from my grade school and high school years that had totally insulted and embarrassed the caca out of me back than enough to soften whatever amount of thin skin I had at the time and make a dash for the door and run entirely away from the subject of math altogether which is what I did emotionally and intellectually while enforcing myself to go through the motions and faking it much of the time since than because I zoned out.

As I sat there in class I felt like a young school girl daydreaming the time away and I could not wait for the time to run any faster as to get out of that class room and head for home, but first I wanted to make a detour and stop by the river to clear my head and do some reflective soul searching. The water has always been such a calming effect upon my soul and it’s no wonder why I miss the ocean shore of the Atlantic with its current coming upon the sandy shores of my hometown of Miami touching me with its cool and warm moisture waters nestled between my toes and feet as I walk. But for now I settle for the cool and warm breezy mists and currents of the Detroit River mental breaks.

I was thinking more intensely about my life, the loves of my life, my interests and what brings me joy and happiness while the triggers in my life loves to assault me. My job is now on a holding pattern and it’s really beginning to weigh me down again, but all I can do is I do my part and leave the rest to the Big Man upstairs. I am at a crossroads as to where to reside at the end of this year especially come January when my lease is up whether to remain at my present location, head out to western Michigan or head down for Florida.

I know that I have a great future ahead if I were to embrace it because the cards are now getting more stacked in my favor for a change, but it’s the job that has me down in a quarry to speak off with its background checks and clearance I have to work through. I tell you this organization is tough alright. It is testing my thick skin I have gained over the many years and my patience. Patience? Yeah, right...What is that, anyhow?

I have to contend with what is coming down the pike within the next few months. I want to move forward and make a splash in a way I never though possible as I both restart my business and begin work for this other organization once the hurdles are cleared out of the way.

There are a lot of possibilities and with possibilities’ get going and a getting as they say which altogether is very important as one finds herself in life with directions to which to choose in her respective travels of life.

My depression is at a loss but my numbness remains at a low right now even after what my former old church of 30 years had done to me due to ignorance on their part, but Lord forgive them for they know what they did. But, as a nice friend embarked to me: it’s their loss and our church’s gain. Well, I have some peace with regards to that because I thought I would have missed my old church but the matter of truth is that I do not exception for a certain aspect of the church and its tenants. Other than that I am fine and will do ok with out that church because I belong to one now with whom has totally embraced me and encircled me with the arms of their love and that of the Big Man’s love at best.

When I look back in my last four to six years I can honestly say I do not feel as depressed now as I had prior 2006 when all I felt was unwritten guilt, shame and hatefulness towards myself and bitterness for the way life had thrown an unbalanced deck of cards. But, I am a lot happier now and more at peace with all that I am, even though my physical body still needs more improvement and spiritually I am growing again while emotionally I am healthier with a healthier outlook on life.

I have reached an area of life that I know I am at peace and at oneness with my true sense of self and no on e can take that from me unless I let them and that isn’t going to happen anytime soon. Thank heavens!

I no longer feel such a levy of guilt for the dissolvent of my former marriage and I really feel good that it’s over and that my ex-spouse went on with life. For a while there I felt the bounty of heaviness upon my shoulders with such guilt and shame for it dissolving, but, in reality I am so glad the monkey is of my back, thanks goodness. I know it wasn’t all me and I was not there fore going to take the heaviness of the load of its failure, but if it success warranted such success it’s because we both walked away from the marriage with experience and lessons of life and that we both are grateful we can take with us as we press forward.

I really don’t miss my ex-spouse in the lease bit and perhaps I do miss the friendship itself more than anything else, but the marital aspects of the relationship I no longer miss and perhaps never did actually. I hope we can remain friends after all that has transpired and be uplifted as such and, not a drain upon the other as we had been prior to the divorce.

I have gained and sustained some wonderful and important friendships in my life for which I am sincerely grateful. Bill has been such a God sent to me with his faith, confidence and inspiration he provides within me and you have been my hero and a protector to me in ways I could never fond the means to ever repay and with Bobbie with whom even from a distance far away has been there for me through some of the darkest clouds of my life when the going got rough she had been for me. I thank you both eternally for everything.

Both Marylou and Jilly have also been God sent even from before I started my journey and I would had that they are the only friends of all that were original back than that have stuck it through with me through thick and thin and I am so grateful for two I have the honor of addressing as my own blood related sisters. I sincerely and warmly thank you for being in my life and being there for me and I mean the four of you. Believe me; you have made such a difference!

The rough and bumpy roads ahead I am certain I shall pull through as I press forward in life and where the good Lord leads me towards. I expect it shall be a life full of rainbow colors for as some have said that even though all the ups and downs my life hasn’t been anything less than a rainbow of colors.

With this school semester coming to an end I can take a breather and jump start my business more effectively and which I now already have four new bookings for two talents and have a possibility of three locations for three business machines. So cool! Well, it’s a start anyhow and I have every confidence it will grow. I also have to update Bills business website with more content and set him up with some seminars. Why not I ask? The man is brilliant. He should have been running GM because they would not find themselves in the predicament they find themselves now and my late uncle Philippe would have loved him, too!

Marylou and I are setting to go out tonight and have a mini girl’s night out. We both have to be up early on Sunday anyhow, but we get together every two to three weekends and perhaps we can drag Jilly to come with us. I also have a to do my online school class work to finish out the semester for this one class in particular but am alright with that one. Can you tell I am smiling?

But, one thing is certain and that is that I have to continue tossing a lot of my old past out. Holy panty-liner cat-woman, do I ever have stuff that needs reviewing, filing, packing away and also tossing, but I shall prevail nonetheless.

I am not certain I will make Michigan Pride this weekend, I have just to much to do, if anything that moving out here to my pad has taught me since January has been that I had to place emphasis on my priorities and watch my pennies and am grateful I have been such. However, Bill took me out to eat at Famous Dave’s for dinner last night and we both found a place that is all accepting and even the food and service is as great.

Well, I will catch up with you again soon and will make it a practice to check in and update you more frequently.

Thanks for stopping in, reading and visiting!

Love to all, Jennifer Elisabeth

Good Bye 2008 and Hello 2009! .... December 27, 2008

"Long and Winding Road with
Jennifer Elisabeth Mendez"

Had awakened to the sight of sleet and snow gently falling from the sky this morning as I stared out my bedroom room. I could sense the snap of cold weather just by staring at the sleet and snow and started to ponder deeply in reflection to my life, its set of circumstances, what blessings I have such been bestowed with over the many months and the many wonderful days, months and years that lays before me still.

My divorce became a final infamy not so much on why a marriage of some 20 years had to go but for how it had to come to an end. I am not regretful at my former marriage. We both realize that it takes to tangle and it takes two make work it out. But, also came to realize that with all the anger, sadness and such other avenues that come with mourning the loss of a marriage that it is just that….the death of a marriage.

We both o not regret as we look back this year at such emotional, spiritual and developmental growth we had sustained over the year, even the past twenty years of a relationship.
What could have sunken deeply in the oceans of marital existence crashed upon rocky shores instead of just sinking in the depth of some sea? At least we remain friends, and more like sisters contrary to the pleadings of some people.

It had been such an emotional roller coaster ride this past summer of 2008 and none for the farther. It was painful and going through a divorce no matter the circumstance is strained, stressful and emotionally painful. So much can be invested in a relationship and with the investing can come the pain of emotional strain.

Year 2008 ends on good notes for both my ex and myself however as we find ourselves in our respective new residences some 15 miles apart and that is not a bad thing actually; it’s a good thing! Some newly gained friendships, better health, both now we both stand un-employed (but for my ex is more of a change for the better so that moving in another direction within the career track could hopefully become beneficial) in this unpopular economic downturn.

I will be attending a newer campus as I wind up my course work and finally walk that platform in cap and gown not to mention sporting a nice new dress underneath.

The one good thing for me is that I will not have to concern myself with mowing and racking of grass and leafs in the yard just and leave its details to the lawn care people as I dedicate myself to a solid slate of school course work and finalize its accomplishment so I can receive my degree. Though there have been some mix feelings; I am so looking forward to this new life, merge forward and finally achieve some deep rooted goals that I had been wanted to fulfill for some 17 years now.

I do have to admit that I can breathe free and begin to focus clearly now. I am basically all moved in to my new home and am excited about the prospects for the future there. Of course now that the divorce is over I can state more freely on how I felt about the whole divorce case and our former relationship. But, for now I will not comment on the case only suffice to say that my ex had such a numb-nut for an attorney who was so lazy and so unethical that would even allow Willie Cochran to turn over in his grave.

I have not been attending a new church which I complain not about nor do I have to. I like it there and they like me.

My brothers and I are still not talking and have not seen my baby brother since my ex’s mother-in- law’s funeral. I have not spoken by phone with my brother in Florida since the last two to three months. As for my eldest, well that is a totally different but sad story. I am concern he would pass from this life with a heart full of guilt and bitterness. My baby brother I have concern for and worry me not so deeply thank heavens, but am concerned where he will end up down the road of life. And the one in Florida I can not mention much about cause there’s not much to brag about.

I do feel for them and their immature, but bigoted ways. I do wonder how they feel now that we will have our first-African American president at the helm of the nation’s executive branch.

Two evenings ago on Christmas Eve together with my ex-spouse (yes you read right, the ex) went for the traditional Cuban Christmas eve celebrations with all the Cuban food trimmings and entrées at my adopted surrogate sisters home whom herself and family are Cuban and forgoing my church Christmas Eve services. But, I am grateful that I had gone to Maria’s because it did help me to reconnect more to my late mama and papa. And, observing Maria’s mother at the stove mixing those black beans and rice in a cooking pot brought back to me many cherished and beautiful memories of mama’s joy for cooking and feeding her family especially at Christmas time.

Last night on Christmas I went over to my hairstylist’s home for some more Cuban festive food and yummy! We both had a great conversation and am so pleased and happy that people like this can actually accept me for whom and what I am in my womanhood and I ask why do my own brothers and family have to be so lame, blind and dumb about all of these, but nonetheless its their issue and problem, not mine and I am not losing sleep over it any longer. Some wise young man was expressed to me in a group setting that “Even though blood is thicker than water, you can not drink the blood, but you can drink the water”

My friends and adopted family of choice are just that...the water that I drink even though I thirst after “the living water” and that which I do partake of makes me feel just right along with the fact that “friends are the family you choose”

My ex is aware of my boyfriend whom she has met and is very much at ease with whom I have been dating for just a under a year now and wow, could you hear the rumors fly. But, hey, it’s their problem not mine! We have not been in a very serious relationship until now after the divorce, but I am not ashamed. He knows me well enough as if we have known each other a hundred life times. He has treated me with nothing but respect and has helped me get over the mudslide of my brothers and for that I will ever be grateful. He is very special to me and knows that there will always be a portion of my heart that belongs to my ex-spouse.

Spiritually we have both been getting closer to one another and for that I am also grateful. We openly discuss issues and situations so that we both put the breaks on before it gets blown out of proportion and there’s some argument that did not mean to be present and since we have met almost a year ago we have not once had an argument about anything. I am happy about that!

Since he’s a business consultant and coach I am setting out with his help some new and hefty realistic goals that I will need to accomplish. Nah, I am not going to be flying some jet and land on some battle carrier and proclaim some immature message like mission accomplish. But, what I will be setting out towards will be that of getting my body toned and healthier. I know what has to be done, just that I had not had a workout training partner in years.

In my new place we are setting up an exercise area just devoted to sweat and grunt workouts and I do not mean that I am going to build up my body full of muscle, but will tone it and sharpen the saw, shall we say. I can not wait until the spring and summer warm weather comes in 2009 to start biking on the trails and do running again.

Financially, for the first time in such a long time I feel I will be working in some capacity and becoming far more self-reliant than I have ever been. I have this confidence that I have been lacking for so long and I do not want to shut it off. Now, that is a good call as Joe Buck expresses.

Health wise I am doing much better according to the recent lab reports and my doctors’ diagnoses of mine latest tastings. This is such a great thing. Out of shape I am currently, but that will be remedied.
I do plan and will be on target to accomplish many great things come this 2009 and I will pursue them with tact, deliberately and expeditiously.

I will update more lately…….

Here is to a great and prosperous 2009!

~ Jennifer Elisabeth Mendez

Letting my Summer Season go!

It's been a very long time since I had posted anything on blogger and since some of the other blogging sites online are no longer meeting my needs I have therefore going to be concerning myself with this system instead, in hopes that people that are open minded and bright would acknowledge and share their thoughts. There has been a lot of changes to me and some of the things I have been noticing has been the jealousy and immaturity with which I have witnessed over the last three years.

What Come with such territory is how one changes their lives along with the sacrifices one encounters along the way which can actually take its toll.

I am not a victim and yet I make no c claims to being such a prefect being. I , like anyone else have struggled with my own existence and walk along the very shores of life. But, it goes without saying that all people are different and no one being is the very same, not even identical twins. I am experiencing a presidential election season and bringing with it the very winds of change. This past four years has surely brought a lot of change not only to the national political landscape, but to that of my own life's landscape in general.

Jennifer